Ray Martinelli ⋅ Flanders , NJ U.S. Marine Corps, Sergeant ⋅ 8 years served

Corporal,

This is a good start. I agree with the other posts and may have another tool for you to use.

A GREAT tool is the American Council on Education (ACE) guide. Here is the homepage:
http://www.acenet.edu/Pages/default.aspx

Check that a bit and then, if you had taken any courses while in the Marine Corps (MCI's, resident Corporals course, etc.) go to this link:
http://www.acenet.edu/news-room/Pages/Military-Guide-Online.aspx

You can play around with and get the descriptions of all of your service courses. There is even an MOS option. For example in the field "ACE ID" type in MCE-0291 (Marine Corps Enlisted-0291) and it will pull up Intel Chief billet & the background of an Intel Chief.

I have and would use that for the list of accomplishments others posted above & as a "what can you do for me" answer to employers.

Your efforts in translating your Marine Corps experiences into "civilian language" although tedious are invaluable for your employment opportunities. If there is anything I may assist you with please let me know.

Best of luck Devil Dog & Semper Fi

Ray Martinelli
http://www.linkedin.com/in/rmartinelli1/

Perry Newman ⋅ Brooklyn , NY Perry Newman CPC/CSMS ⋅ 20 years experience

Send me your resume and I'll let you know what I think is good about it and where it needs improvement. perry@perrynewman

As for your LI page it need on both messaging and establishing a personal brand. work to establish a personal brand. It is good but in my world good is not close to being good enough

Mary Rosenbaum ⋅ New York , NY Your Career by Design ⋅ 30 years experience

Hi Jeffrey
Some additional things to consider when writing your resume as well as your profile summary on LinkedIn is to focus your successes and skills on the job and responsibilities you want to have. Anyone reading either piece wants to know what you can do for them so spell it out and never assume they will connect the dots. In fact, the recommendation you have from Nicholas Bludau is a perfect example of what your summary and job descriptions should look like. It's not bragging, it's giving people an idea of what you can do for them.

It would be helpful if you fleshed out the work you did (from an accomplishment standpoint not a laundry list of responsibilities) in each of the positions you list on LinkedIn.

I hope this helps.

Jeffrey Rosales ⋅ San Diego , CA U.S. Marine Corps, Corporal ⋅ 5 years served

Thank you very much John! I really appreciate your input and feedback. This will be a great way to inform employers of my current status as a student veteran.

John Kalusa ⋅ Alpharetta , GA Profisee Group ⋅ 10 years experience

Great start Jeffrey. You have some typos in your overview. Other than being a "placeholder" while you are in school, use the "Background" section to begin framing your personal brand, the "what you do" for companies, organizations and the like. I should know in the first few lines what it is you do, what value you might bring to my company, even if it is in 2 or 3 years. You may also use that space to "ask for the order".

"US Marine veteran currently enrolled in a xxxxx degree program at xxxxxx in xxxxxx at xxxxx with expected graduation in xxxx. Interested in leveraging my leadership, motivation and drive to begin a career in xxxxxxx. Open to internships and part time work etc.........