Bill Nobles ⋅ Basking Ridge , NJ Exxon ⋅ 30 years experience

Norman, first let me thank you for your service. Here are some ideas that could make your email response stand out if I received it:
(1) An attention-grabbing subject line such as: Marine sergeant whose development during 18 years of service has produced ideal candidate for Microsoft
(2) The body of your email could then highlight personal characteristics/strengths you developed or displayed in your experiences while active. Those personally important to me while active included:
* self-responsibility
* self-management of personal development and growth
* self-motivation to continually learn
* trustworthiness
* dependability
* team player
* leadership skills as reflected by respect of peers and subordinates
* initiative to identify and act on opportunities to improve one's organization
* need for minimal supervision
* consistently high standards of performance
* ability to learn from mistakes and failures—which I believe are integral to human growth and creativity
* helping your people to grow and develop
(3) Emphasize your special areas of interest within Microsoft explaining how those connect with your strengths and experiences.
(4) Research into the Microsoft culture might identify areas where your strengths/skills could have special value to Human Resources. In that regard I worked with a Microsoft friend, Ross Smith, several years ago who if still active might provide some advice or help. Email me if interested and I can provide his email address.
(5) Attach a copy of your resume specifically edited for Microsoft.
Best wishes for success, Bill Nobles

Elise Rose ⋅ Homer , AK ⋅ 2 years experience

Hi Norman,

In the past, Veterans have asked to have their résumés reviewed here on ACP AdvisorNet. I would encourage you to consider posting again about that, or seeking out an Advisor+ who might be willing to read your résumé!

Please let me know if you have any questions about how to use the <a href="https://acp-advisornet.org/directory">Advisor+ Directory</a> to find an Advisor+!

Reed Smith ⋅ Atlanta , GA IBM ⋅ 6 years experience

Norman,

This thread has some great advice. I just wanted to post a quick tip that I have had great success with: Starting with a fact about the company and how can contribute to it. Most people will research a company for a few minutes, but I believe investing real time to study the recent news of the company can have huge payoffs. Let's say microsoft just posted an update on how they investing money into a certain field, say application mobility. I educate myself on this topic and use my first sentence to say how interested I am in that subject.

I also think an overlooked tip is the use of exclamation points. I think using them in key areas displays passion and excitement to the reader.

Best of luck!

Cheers,

Reed

JK R T ⋅ Brewster , NY 21st Century Fox ⋅ 13 years experience

I would use the body of the email as a cover letter and I agree the Subject line is really important. But I would suggest you keep it short. Too many words can deter a reader in my opinion.

In the body, identify your unique strengths to build off of. I would think are: Marine Sergeant, 18 years served, Psychology Major with a Minor in Criminal Justice. Then I would write a blurb about why your experiences make you an ideal candidate for Microsoft. I might post your blurb on this site to see how it reads to others.

Greg Fritz ⋅ Yorktown Heights , NY IBM ⋅ 9 years experience

Hi Norman,

Bill's advice is excellent and I just wanted to expand on a few points.
1) Start your bullet points and subject lines with either action verbs or adjectives which convey that you are a success. You want to convey a positive perception of yourself with even a quick glance.
2) Consider the point of view of the hiring manager. Include the words the hiring company uses in their job description. If they are looking for someone who is "self-motivated" in their job description, use those exact words in your description of yourself. Consider the possibility that your resume will first be vetted by a computer program looking for keywords. This may explain the quick dismissal from the Red Cross.

For example, your subject line may be:
Self-motivated Marine Sergeant looking to excel at Human Resources

In addition to a resume in the email, you should consider a Cover Letter as well. Both the Cover Letter and Resume should be customized to each job you are applying for by using keywords from the job description.

I am happy to look over your Resume and Cover Letter if you are up for it.

Best wishes,
Greg

Norman DeLisle ⋅ Jacksonville , FL U.S. Marine Corps, Staff Sergeant ⋅ 18 years served

Dear Mr. Noble, thank you very much for your response, without your response I would not even have considered the subject line which is probably the most important part of an e-mail response in that it is the first thing that someone looks at and the attention getter that gets them to open and read the e-mail. I will do a lot of research on Microsoft Corporation prior to the sending them my resume to see if I can tailor my resume to them. I am obviously doing something incorrectly since I sent in a resume to the American Red Cross, for an HR position, yesterday and it was rejected within 30 minutes. Hopefully in the near future I can get some assistance from the Veterans Administration to get my resume done professionally. Thanks you again for your response it was very helpful and I will take every word of this to heart.